What I am when I'm with you
by the-hinotori
Summary: He watches her while she sleeps and ponders the truth of himself. Just a short little one shot.


_Disclaimer - I own nothing but the poor imagination that wrote this. So please peoples do not sue me._

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_**Sometimes late at night  
I lie awake and watch her sleeping  
She's lost in peaceful dreams  
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark**_

You're steady breathing lulls me but not enough to sleep. I'm not given to insomnia, only when you are here, and my thoughts are jangled wondering why it is that I am what I am when I'm with you.

_**And the thought crosses my mind  
If I never wake up in the morning   
Would she ever doubt the way I feel  
About her in my heart**_

I used to think it would frighten them to see me this way, but I know that in truth it would only frighten me. You've touched an area that no one else has found before, and made it yours. And in making it yours, you've made it mine also. I can be that person which no one ever knew, but only ever with you.

_**If tomorrow never comes  
Will she know how much I loved her  
Did I try in every way to show her every day  
That she's my only one**_

The fear I have is both logical and irrational, and every person knows it, at least every person who has loved. To think that you might wake one day and find reality to have been nothing more than a lustful dream, or a dream that is a remnant of a reality that can no longer be. That fear was very real and not so long ago, and should what I feared most come to pass would you have known what it is I feel when I am with you.

**_And if my time on earth were through  
And she must face the world without me  
Is the love I gave her in the past  
Gonna be enough to last  
If tomorrow never comes_  
**

I hold my breath as you murmur and turn in your sleep, reaching for me with blind eyes. I see you frown because you cannot find me; I'm huddled close to the edge hoping not to wake you with my own restlessness. Your hand finally touches what it seeks and I see you relax with a tiny whisper of my name. How many years is it now? The truth of your emotions for me still overwhelms me, and though I do not say it, I love what I am when I'm with you.

**_  
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life  
Who never knew how much I loved them  
Now I live with the regret  
That my true feelings for them never were revealed  
So I made a promise to myself  
To say each day how much she means to me  
And avoid that circumstance   
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel_ **

There have been many people come and go throughout my life, and several I can claim to love, but not like I love you. Some were always there when I needed them most, others would drift in and out, not always welcome in my secular world. Some were cruel, while others smothered me with kindness, but you are always you and for that I'm grateful. You saw me as I was, as I had been and what I could be. Because of you I have become what I could be, but only with you.

**_If tomorrow never comes  
Will she know how much I loved her  
Did I try in every way to show her every day  
That she's my only one   
And if my time on earth were through  
And she must face the world without me  
Is the love I gave her in the past  
Gonna be enough to last  
If tomorrow never comes_  
**

As I lie here watching you it occurs to me that I have never once told you how much you mean to me, and what my life would have been without you. You move again, I should be more careful in my expressions; hopefully that shake of quiet laughter won't rouse you too much. I stroke your hair gently, because I know it calms you, when you're sleeping that is. Touching your hair while awake will send me to the doghouse faster than any other crime I know. Except maybe one, but you swore me to secrecy on that so I do not even think it. I cannot stop the chuckle of laughter and I know that I will wake you now. I see your eyes beginning to open in tired confusion, and the small frown returns.

_**So tell that someone that you love  
Just what you're thinking of  
If tomorrow never comes**_

"Can't you sleep?" Your voice is hushed, and eyes blink slowly. I feel your hand rub gently against my skin and I shift a little closer. My hand unconsciously continues to pet the long soft waves of your hair and I feel at peace. Your smile tells me that you feel it too.

I see your eyes begin to droop close again and hear the small contented sigh, your breathing deepens and just when I think you have been reclaimed by the world of dreams I hear the sweetness of your voice and it startles me.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

All my thoughts flood through my mind and I wonder how I could possibly tell you so much in so little. Words have never been my strong point, except in my thoughts. All the words sound right and fancy when I think about them but they're never the ones that pass my lips, except when I'm with you, but even they won't do tonight. Tonight only a select few will be needed and it's time that they were said.

"I was thinkin' dat I love ya Mai."

As you huddle closer I feel the breathiness of another small sigh.

"I thought you'd never say it Katsuya, now go to sleep."

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_a/n - this is a very short one shot on the inner machinations of another favourite pairing of mine. The song 'If Tomorrow Never Comes' was written and recorded by Garth Brooks, and I use care of some kind person placing the lyrics on the Net. This is possibly not one of my better pieces of writing but there you are. Enjoy._


End file.
